I Love Taiwan!!!!

I Love Taiwan!!!!

September 22, 2010

Going the Distance

I just watched the movie 'Going the distance' and i must say, it is one of the best movies that i can relate to. I'm pretty sure some of you out there that can relate to it as well, that's if you're in a long distance relationship or used to be in one.

Thing about this movie is that it exactly depicts how the relationship is and the challenges couples will face. Example, the bombardment of doubts and thoughts thrown at from friends regarding the distance that will question how much you trust your partner. Indeed it is tough, believe me. I have had those questions asked and frankly speaking, if you are not tough you will succumb to the pressure. See, everybody wants to give their 2 cents and it is actually damaging psychologically. One of the most popular question would be : " aren't you afraid? she's there and you're here". Yea, questions like these and alot more are actually spirit breakers.

Its hard having all your friends being all negative about the idea of a long distance relationship. And seriously, long distance only works if you and your partner are willing to do what it takes to make it work. This is not for those who don't have their own perspective and and susceptible to the relentless negative talk and doubt from others. Allow me if you may, to give some pointers and tips based on my experience on it.

Set Boundaries
Couples, it is important to establish boundaries for the relationship. This means laying everything down on what is acceptable and unacceptable from each other. This is crucial for knowing what is expected from each other and what is of importance in the relationship. Set boundaries between lover and friends. Learn how to equally divide attention and dont let your partner feel less important. It hurts their feelings. Also learn to draw the line between contact with an ex, this is unacceptable. Though things are over and you are friends, learn where your commitment lies. Talk to your partner about this even if its tough. If you know something is not right, make it clear of the boundary between ex's and that you are in a relationship. You have to be hard on this because one small mistake could either make or break.

Do i need to say more? Communicate with each other as often as possible. Talk about your day, feelings and what not. Communication is the basis of interaction between couples, and it lets each other share whats on their minds. Call each other before going to bed, or first thing in the morning. Call them for no reason at all or just to say you miss them. Simple gestures like this goes a long way for a relationship. Be careful not to be too clingy by calling every 10 mins or or a 20 times in an hour. Space is needed as well.

As mentioned above, space is important for a couple to still have their own 'me' time. Sometimes, its best to just let each other to their own things and not to drown them with constant questions like "what are you doing?" and stuff. Its not necessary to know every detail of the things each other do, but it is necessary to tell each other and inform early as to avoid misunderstanding or conflicts. If its one thing i've learned, do not, i repeat, DO NOT ask too much. It annoys them. Let them open up and share it to you. Do your own things, be yourself, have fun but do not go to far with it.

Long distance relationship especially, requires a lot of trust for each other. Since you both are in a different place. Trust completely and leave no room for doubt. Always assure each other, not just assuming that your partner trusts each other. Do things that earn each others trust because trust is given, not made. Of course once awhile we will be in doubt and insecure about situations that happen. Talk about it and reassure each other.

Be honest in everything. No matter how difficult it is to say or just to avoid conflicts and arguments, you should always be honest in everything. Do not do things behind each others back. This is unfair. Unless you are planning a surprise. Leaving things unsaid creates room for doubt and suspicion. This could effect the relationship ultimately. It doesn't hurt to be honest who you're with and what are you doing. Just explain to your partner.

Its hard to be intimate being away. However, make the effort to be intimate either by talking or sending text msgs. Intimacy builds along the time and gradually grows. A good example would be to talk before going to bed or a text in the morning and stuff. Show your affection in any way possible. Tell them you love them and miss them. FDA (facebook display of affection) is a great tool a well.

Commitment is important. Be committed to each other, the relationship and make the effort to work things out. Always remember, it takes 2 hands to clap. Therefore it takes 2 people to make a relationship work and not just one person doing all the job. Solves problems together and dont just bail when it gets tough.

Show appreciation
The little things you do for each other should always be appreciated. Its not the drastic things done that should. Partners want to feel appreciated and knowing that their sacrifice and efforts are all worth it. Remember, not everything evolves around you and gratitude is important.

Do things together
Make a date night if possible. Have dinner together over the webcam, watch a movie at the same time and talk about it. Stuff like that is a great way to bond even though the distance.

Give surprises
Surprise each other occasionally. like plan a visit or buy some gifts over the time so when you both meet up, you can give a surprise present to them. Be creative, think of ways to surprise each other. Dont be passive and just wait and expect something.

Be faithful and loyal
Yes, this is important. You may find yourself feeling lonely and want the attention and affection of your partner. This is where your loyalty and love for each other is put to the test. There will be people around you that will try to influence your thinking, or try to fill that gap in which your partner is not available. Its not the reason for you to flirt. Ultimately it comes down to how much you love each other. 

Be Understanding
You should know that your partner can't always be there when you need them. Be understanding of the situations. Or even if there is something that happened. Dont be quick to conclude and get all worked up. Arguments dont solve anything but instead will turn relationships sour. Talk about any disagreements or what upsets you and find a solution. Breaking up is not an answer.

Needless to say, love each other unconditionally. Love them for their good and bad. Accept every flaw and short coming they have. Love them even when they make you happy or sad. Just love each other, and you'll find things will work out and be alright.

Last advice, be strong and hold on to each other. Long distance is but a phase and will not be forever. 

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